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THE SCHLOCK PIT

From the Files of Schlock & Awe

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The Schlock Pit

An Orphanage for the Bastard Children of Genre Filmmaking.

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“The script I handed Promark was edgy, reasonably smart and often funny” recalled scripter Dan Duling to the esteemed author MJ Simpson, “but after six painful months of meetings and eleven rewrites later, it was rendered more and more toothless”. Indeed, while Duling could easily have had La Jetée at the forefront of is mind when he set out to write this picture, the finished movie not only falls way short of what influenced it, but even its peers of the period, namely the dimension-bending DTV’er, Crossworlds. Aaron (C. Thomas Howell) and Adrienne (Jennifer Rubin) have their wedding ceremony unceremoniously hijacked by moody-looking Malakai (Billy Wirth), who leaves the hubby for dead, but kidnaps the wife. Prior to this, the opening sequence clumsily attempts a little background by telling us that he’s just escaped from a parallel universe with the intent on bringing Adrienne back with him, while Merkham (Judge Reinhold, although Malcolm McDowell was first choice) – a tracker from the same world is hot on his trail and doing everything he can to prevent that happening, beginning with reanimating Aaron. The resurrection process is by far the coolest part of LAST LIVES (1997), with Howell’s character armed with a forearm full of regenerating bracelets that bring him back to life after he’s met a variety of grisly deaths. We’d also be inclined to cite the (distinctly overlong) car chase that runs through the entire middle act as a positive, even if the bland surroundings of North Carolina do little to add any texture to it. It’s here that director Worth Keeter is clearly most comfortable; explosions and flipping cars are catnip to someone with his background in genre features, although cerebral science-fiction is clearly a step too far #LastLives #WorthKeeter #CThomasHowell #JenniferRubin #JudgeReinhold #VHS #DTV #SchlockAndAwe

Luke (Ron Marquette) has recently got out of the joint, and he’s now pulling pints in the scruffy confines of the Hell Hole alongside his buddy Leo (a quirky cameo for Mark Dacascos). He’s happily hooked up with girlfriend Kirsten (Dedee Pfeiffer), but the unexpected arrival of his former flame Saundra (Carol Alt), an inevitable one night stand, and the subsequent discovery of her husband’s body in the deep freeze, soon destroys the likelihood of a fresh start. The prospect of combining the plentiful abilities of director Tibor Takacs (The Gate, I, Madman) and screenwriter Steven Iyama (Last Call) would naturally give rise to a degree of anticipation for this neo-noir. Regrettably, DEADLY PAST (1995) never gets out of second gear, while the picture itself soon became overshadowed by the tragic real-life events that ensued after it had wrapped. Marquette, a British model born Ronald Macklain Marqua, emerged from his bedroom on September 27th, 1994 and without saying a word he put a pistol in his mouth and committed suicide in front of Dedee Pfeifer, his girlfriend who he’d met on the set of Tabacs’ film. A rising star who’d received good notices only the year before in Bryan Singer’s Public Access, he was on the cusp on stardom. Deadly Past might not be the epitaph he might have wished for, but Marquette’s quality shines through the languid pace and flavourless atmosphere of a disappointing picture #DeadlyPast #TiborTakacs #RonMarquette #DedeePfeiffer #VHS #DTV #SchlockAndAwe

After spending the last few months tangling with all kinds of giant, mutated beasties, we’ve dramatically reduced the size of the monsters in the latest episode of our DTV creature feature podcast, Natural Selection. We’ve got THEY NEST (2000) and THEY CRAWL (2001) up for discussion: a pair of cockroach-strewn creepers of wildly varying quality ▶️ CLICKABLE LINK IN PROFILE! ◀️ #NaturalSelectionCF #SchlockAndAweNS #TheyNest #TheyCrawl #CreepyCrawlers #KushnerLocke #ElloryElkayem #CineTel #horror #horrorfilm #instahorror #CreatureFeature #Podcast

Although they hit pay dirt with Dumb and Dumber and the family fare that followed, MPCA (aka Brad Krevoy and Steve Stabler) chalked up a diverse and high-quality roster of direct-to-video movies throughout the ‘90s, to which a partnership with Playboy proved the most intriguing. Midnight Blue may rank as the best movie from this brief dalliance, but that shouldn’t discount the sheer curiosity value of COVER ME (1995). Shot in tandem with Blue Heat — an interactive video game that was billed as ‘the first erotic CD-ROM to feature high quality graphics and gameplay’ — Michael Schroeder’s film follows Holly Jacobson (Courtney Taylor): a detective who’s been kicked off the force after a racially sensitive shooting, but who finds herself with a lifeline back to the badge if she agrees to go undercover as a model for an erotic magazine in order to catch a serial killer. Bursting with acting royalty like Corbin Bernsen, Elliott Gould and Paul Sorvino, you spend most of the running time of Cover Me waiting for the inner masterpiece to break free of its shackles, especially with Schroeder at the helm (he gifted us delights like Dead On: Relentess II). Granted, Courtney Taylor is absolute dynamite as Jacobson, but the thread about her affair with colleague Sgt. Colter (a miscast Rick Rossovich) is a far too frequent distraction, diminishing what could have been a well-crafted serial killer flick that features a particularly compelling slaughterer (Stephen Nichols) #CoverMe #MichaelSchroeder #RickRossovich #CourtneyTaylor #PaulSorvino #ElliottGould #CorbinBernsen #VHS #DTV #SchlockAndAwe

From the VHS artwork that adorns COMPELLING EVIDENCE (1995), of a peroxide blonde Brigitte Nielsen sat with her legs crossed while clad in a skimpy white dress, it’s clear to see that Kansas-born filmmaker Donald Farmer had an eye on riding the coattails of a certain Basic Instinct. Alas the similarities stop as soon as we meet Rick Stone (Danny Fendley) – “the world’s biggest action star”, who’s just finished Lethal Assault, his latest picture and the one that he’s determined will be his last. “Even Corman wouldn’t hire you before I did!” blasts dismayed studio head Ross (Franklin Wilson), but Stone’s retirement could be taken out of his hands, as his wife Michelle (Nielsen) is found dead, and he finds himself prime suspect in her murder. It would be fair to say that Fendley wasn’t blessed with the greatest acting ability in the world, but with its muffled dialogue, crew reflections and lengthy moments of silence, the work of Farmer is probably appropriate to his pay grade. This director and his muse teamed up for five pictures during the nineties, and what they lack in competence they manage to make up for in appetite. Nielsen’s top billing amounts to three scenes, while Lynn Lowry pops up as Rick Stone’s agent as does the tragic Dana Plato as a tabloid reporter #CompellingEvidence #DonaldFarmer #DannyFendley #BrigitteNielsen #DanaPlato #VHS #DTV #SchlockAndAwe

With elements of liberalism, feminism and social consciousness peppered throughout its running time, Caged Heat, Jonathan Demme’s 1974 exploitation classic is rightly considered the pinnacle of a frequently derided sub-genre. It’s fair to say though that Roger Corman didn’t slap the sequel moniker on Cirio Santiago’s film for artistic purposes. Devoid of anything that made the original movie memorable, CAGED HEAT 2: STRIPPED OF FREEDOM (1994) digs out the women-in-prison menu and phones in the order with minimal enthusiasm. King Lim (Ramon D’Salva) is the dictatorial ruler of a country on the verge of civil war, when the CIA orchestrate a bogus assassination to quell any potential uprising. In the ensuing melee though, his daughter Princess Marga (Chanel Akiko Harai) is arrested and sent to The Rock – a penitentiary known for its heinous brutality, which subsequently leads to an attractive FBI Agent (Jewel Shepard) infiltrating the prison in order to rescue this member of the aristocracy. Blissfully short at seventy-two minutes, there’s a mean streak running through Santiago’s movie that’s a little unpalatable. Public flogging, hanging, rape – it’s a world away from Demme’s right-on opus. Ironically the picture is fairly sparse on nudity, although most of it comes under the leery gaze of Warden Chen (Vic Diaz), a man clad in braces, high-waisted trousers, and harbouring a fetish for budgies [poster credit: alamy dot com] #CagedHeat2StrippedOfFreedom #CirioHSantiago #JewelShepard #PamellaDPella #RobKerchner #PaulZiller #womeninprison #filipinoaction #RogerCorman #VHS #DTV #SchlockAndAwe

New writing from Matty Budrewicz & Dave Wain accompanies selected Blu-ray releases from 88 Films

OUT NOW! It Came from the Video Aisle! By Dave Jay, William Wilson, Torsten Dewi, Matty Budrewicz & Dave Wain

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Lamenting Leviticus: Joe Ahearne talks B&B

You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination. (Leviticus 18:22) A classic line from Leviticus’ Greatest Hits there, and one that still gets spun two millennia after its authoring by the more fundamentalist Christians in our society. Quite why B-sides such as ‘Do not wear clothing woven of […]

Read More Lamenting Leviticus: Joe Ahearne talks B&B

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