Do Not Disturb (2010)

A cast like that immediately pricks up your ears doesn’t it! Not least because Corey Haim has been dead for four years, so the chances of him appearing in a new movie are on the skinny side of slim. A little investigative work though soon digs up a film called New Terminal Hotel from 2010 which happens to have the same cast and crew – and yeah, you guessed it Do Not Disturb is just a plain old recut version of that. Let’s not get too despondent though, after all it didn’t get released in the UK and the prospect of a rare Stephen Geoffreys lead role had been as unlikely as a sequel to his famed ’95 movie Mechanics bi Day, Lube Job bi Night.

Geoffreys plays struggling screenwriter Don Malek who finds himself holed up in a seedy motel. Friends and former colleagues such as his agent Ava (Shepis) visit him and urge him to start working again – it’s been two years since his last piece, but he’s struggling to produce anything at all. When a studio head that has crossed him in recent times stops by and begins to mock the depths to where Malek has fallen, he decides to take his vengeance upon him by storing his body in and ice bath and gradually removing a variety of body parts. Ava seems pretty cool with this, as like Malek she’s happy to sink to any depths necessary in order to get her client working again.

As Malek heads out for a quick drink to ease his stress we get our first glimpse of Corey Haim who’s playing the embarrassingly named Jasper Crash – a British rock star with a predictably woeful accent. Yeah, I’ve no idea either. Obviously it has little bearing on his career now, though you can’t help but think Haim that may well in hindsight have gladly volunteered to pop off a few months earlier if it meant this didn’t show up on his CV. Meanwhile, back at the motel the studio head Stanley has managed to escape (despite digits, appendages and organs missing) from the clutches of Malek who seems unduly concerned. This is in contrast to Ava though who now finally begins to realise that Malek has indeed lost the plot – presumably kidnapping the head of ‘Starlight’ studios and removing his body parts wasn’t quite enough to convince her. Herein lies the issue with Do Not Disturb, or one of the MANY issues with it, and that’s the sheer volume of forehead slapping moments of total absurdity.

This is ultimately the downfall of this movie, and the embarrassment that you feel towards the direction of the narrative is hard to disguise. Admittedly Geoffreys is perfectly sinister as the murderous Don Malek, but with much of the action being confined to the interior of the motel he’s just not given enough to do and the storyline doesn’t progress at the necessary pace to keep the viewer intrigued. During such lull’s it’s impossible not to get cynical and pull apart the nonsensical nature of the plot and characters – be it Haim’s laughable rock star or the conveyor belt of poorly fleshed out caricatures that follow.

More than anything though Do Not Disturb is simply dull.  I found myself attempting to memorise the serial number off the interior of the remote control at about the 70 minute mark as it made for a more interesting proposition. It’s just poorly structured and generally unengaging. As I stated at the start of the review – this cast list here really piqued my interest, and no doubt many others will have the same rose-tinted reaction. Stifle your enthusiasm though friends, as for Do Not Disturb read Do Not Bother.

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