No Contest (1995): Only Shannon Tweed Can Drive Someone That Crazy

Matty hunkers down with a solid Die Hard riff that’s anchored by an awesome premise.

Though failing to stretch her dramatic muscles a la Liar’s Edge (1992) and Cold Sweat (1993), NO CONTEST — Shannon Tweed’s third film with fellow Canucks Norstar Entertainment — is anchored by the most irresistible pitch of the lot:

It’s Die Hard (1988) with the erotic thriller empress in the John McClane role [1].

Sporting a surprisingly autobiographical backstory, Tweed is Sharon Bell: a former beauty queen (Tweed once won the title of Miss. Canada) and Taekwondo practitioner (she started training with the mighty Billy Blanks in 1992) who goes toe-to-toe with a gaggle of terrorists after they storm a televised pageant at a plush hotel.

It’s a fun performance, and Tweed kicks arse and cracks wise with the best of them. Offering distinguished support – and, of course, providing a cheeky bit of tethering to No Contest’s stylistic model – is Robert Davi as the grizzled, gimpy-legged ex-detective assisting her from the outside. Both, however, are almost completely blown off screen by a Dice-less Andrew Clay. Among several interesting projects the controversial comic tackled when his stand-up career floundered (Brain Smasher… A Love Story (1993) and National Lampoon’s Favourite Deadly Sins (1995) the others), Clay plays the film’s Rickman-ish bad guy with aplomb. Alternating between an unnerving, panther-like intensity and outrageous Al Pacino-in-Heat (1995) levels of bombast, every line he snarls comes across as a real moment. It’s a vibrant and succulently hammy turn, and his cavalcade of henchman — Maple Leaf B-movie royalty Roddy Piper and Nicholas Campbell et al — are a similarly colourful bunch.

Best known for slasher flicks Prom Night (1980) and Humongous (1982), director Paul Lynch never feels wholly comfortable with No Contest’s bigger action beats and doesn’t quite capture Tweed’s (midrange) martial arts skills with the requisite élan. Competent rather than exemplary, Lynch relates the story at pace and masks the flaws – smatterings of obvious cheapness, some wheelspinning passages here and there – with pomp and a seductively nasty sadistic streak (the gratuitous squib work is on point). Norstar boss Peter R. Simpson was clearly happy with Lynch’s efforts anyway. Collaborators since Prom Night, Lynch and Simpson’s plentiful pairings – Mania (1986), Bullies (1986), Blindside (1987), and Murder by Night (1989) — concluded with No Contest II (1996) – which, incidentally, was Tweed’s final film with the company as well.

Scripted by Norstar mainstay Robert C. Cooper (The Dark (1993), The Club (1994), and, later, showrunner of sci-fi staple Stargate SG-1), and crisply shot by Curtis Petersen (another Canadian B icon – Tiger Claws (1992), Sabotage (1996), and a shedload of Damian Lee movies), No Contest also stands as the first film Ozploitation innovator Anthony I. Ginnane produced after relocating to the Great White North. Cropping up in a shrieking cameo, Ginnane’s wares post No Contest include: Men With Guns (1997), Screamers (1995), and Screamers: The Hunting (2009).

Shopped around the AFM in 1994 alongside production mate Jungleground (1995) (starring Piper), No Contest debuted in the U.S. through HBO on 2nd March 1995. A video release followed on 28th August ‘95 via Columbia-TriStar, who issued the film on cassette in the U.K. at the same time. As it happens, ‘95 was a solid year for British Tweed fans. No Contest’s video bow was preceded by the U.K. tape release of Indecent Behavior II (1994) in March and Columbia-TriStar unleashing A Woman Scorned (1993) in April, and October saw the British premiere of the season two episode of Frasier she appeared in.

Canada ● 1995 ● Action ● 94mins

Shannon Tweed, Andrew Dice Clay, Robert Davi, Roddy Piper ● Dir. Paul Lynch ● Wri. Robert C. Cooper, based on a concept by Arthur Baysting