Yes it’s dreck — but Matty reckons that Darrell Roodt’s sci-shocker still isn’t as bad as some would have you believe.

Not to be confused with Dimension’s numerically fixated Drac saga (Dracula 2000 (2000), Dracula II: Ascension (2003), and Dracula III: Legacy (2005)), DRACULA 3000 —  or, ‘Dracula 3000: Infinite Darkness’ as it’s billed on screen — is one of the many horror, action, sci-fi, and comedy potboilers the Motion Picture Corporation of America (MPCA) would produce, co-produce or acquire for home entertainment between 2000 and 2012, before they shifted their focus completely to the Christmas TV movie market. Shot on the same oil rig set that MPCA harnessed for Blast (2004) (here repurposed as a spaceship), Dracula 3000 debuted on tape and disc in the U.S. via Lionsgate on 7th December 2004. However, like its horror-minded production mates The Breed (2001), Bugs (2003), and Pumpkinhead (1988) sequels Ashes to Ashes (2004) and Blood Feud (2005), the film found its greatest exposure on SyFy following an initial broadcast on 17th September 2005. A British DVD was issued by Anchor Bay a month later.

Clumsy and nonsensical, the much-maligned Dracula 3000 is a turkey for sure — though, curiously, wholly watchable rubbish and hardly the blasphemous travesty the more knee-jerk critics of the mid-’00s horror blog boom painted it as. Indeed, the venom fired at Dracula 3000 upon its original release comes across as bandwagon jumping today, and the mean-spirited bashing of the film’s delicious concept — party line dictated that blending Bram Stoker with Alien (1979) was an inherently stupid idea — seems especially quaint since those who ridiculed it are now the same sort of folk championing this year’s big fright favourite, the similarly footed Last Voyage of the Demeter (2023) (which, amazingly, Dracula 3000 was designed to cash-in on when the long-gestating Demeter was first announced in 2003). Nevertheless, Langley Kirkwood’s portrayal of the eponymous bloodsucker — who, per Dracula 3000’s plot, wakes from his slumber in the 30th century and begins picking off the crew of a Nostromo-esque salvage vessel as it trundles across the galaxy — is among the character’s worst screen iterations, totally devoid of menace, sensuality, and any charm whatsoever.

Working from a disorganised script co-penned with Ivan Milborrow (a sound man by trade), South African helmer Darrell Roodt at least demonstrates reverence for Stoker by swiping plot points and names and hammering them into his imaginative future-shock scenario. A busy and wonderfully eccentric talent, Roodt’s near forty-year career is comprised of three fascinating strands: social and politically conscious auteur work centered around his homeland (the Academy Award nominated Yesterday (2004)); B-movie pulp (Lake Placid: Legacy (2018)); and, best of all, charismatic mongrels that blend his affinity for arthouse commentary and grindhouse gristle (The Stick (1988)). In a move as puzzling as it is depressing, Dracula 3000 lacks many of the Jo’burg-born maestro’s signature licks. It has no discernible style or atmosphere and sports a limp just-get-it-done quality that frequently contradicts its own aesthetic rules and story logic. It’s always contentious stating what a picture should have done rather than simply assessing the product at hand, but Roodt could have transcended the narrative issues and bad dialogue had he injected the film with the kind of thigh-slapping energy found in the remaining, non-Count performances (of particular note: the late, great Tommy ‘Tiny’ Lister Jr. is in gleeful scene-chewing form, and rapper Coolio really gets into the campy spirit of things with his stoner shtick). Instead, the copious handheld close-ups appear sloppy, rushed and at odds with the moments in which they’re used, and potentially interesting images such as a cargo hold filled with black coffins are captured with as much pomp as a We Buy Any Car commercial.

UK/Germany/South Africa ● 2004 ● Sci-Fi, Horror ● 83mins

Casper Van Dien, Erika Eleniak, Tommy ‘Tiny’ Lister Jr., Coolio ● Dir. Darrell Roodt ● Wri. Darrell Roodt & Ivan Milborrow